The Suave Method

How To Turn People Into
Friends Or Lovers

By Kynan Patram



The secret to turning people into friends or lovers is to see to it that they share who they are and what their life is all about with you, and also that you share who you are and what your life is all about with them. Then a connection or bond is naturally created.

That’s it, really.

There’s no great, big secret to it.

This is accomplished slowly by encouraging them to reveal personal information about themselves and you volunteering personal information about yourself through a string of conversations, starting from the very first words you speak to one another.

You must take the initiative to make this happen by how you lead your conversations with people, because then a friendship or relationship is naturally established.

This guide will teach you exactly how to do that.

So let’s get started!

How to Establish a Connection

The first thing you must do in order to master your social skills so you become an expert at meeting people and developing rapport is to come to a certain understanding of life, which is this:

We have desires, goals or objectives in life. Then we formulate plans to achieve those objectives. In putting those plans into action, we have experiences. These experiences lead us to having problems or struggles that we must surmount in our pursuit. And in having experiences and struggles, we form opinions and perspectives on life. We also all have hobbies, passions and interests. And as we go about carrying out our plans, we also encounter people and form relationships with them. And this is all done under certain circumstances which are our life situations.

Remember these words:


They can be easily remembered by this acronym:


These words are important because these are the very things you want to learn about the other person, and they are also the things you want to reveal and share about yourself with the other person over the course of your conversations.

These are the topics you want to focus your conversations on!

Because when you know what all these things are for the other person and they know what they are for you, the natural result is that you will know, like and trust each other, and a connection or bond will be established automatically.

The natural result of this happening is that you will have developed a friendship or relationship in the process of revealing these things to each other.

Learning how to do this tactfully and in a smooth way and putting it into practical application with the people you meet is what this guide is really all about.

But it all starts with one virtue: love.

The Key to Success with People

You’ll never be really great with people and develop connections with them quickly and easily unless you have a genuine love for all people, and are invested in them and their lives as much as you are in your own.

This quality or attribute can be summed up with one word: curiosity.

You must develop a curiosity about people. You must wonder and want to know what and why they think, feel and act as they do. You must want to discover what their OPESOIRS are. When you do, you will find you automatically start leading the conversations onto talking about these topics.

To develop this kind of curiosity you must dedicate yourself to being a life-long learner. You must ever and always want to expand your knowledge, wisdom and understanding about people and life. Because when you possess this quality and make it your own, you start seeing people and everyone you meet as a means or bridge to learning. Everyone has knowledge and wisdom you do not yet possess, and by talking to them and picking their brains, you will grow in all these things.

This is accomplished by discovering what other peoples’ OPESOIRS are, then you must take a genuine interest in them. When you discover them, you must also want to see them succeed in their endeavours and relationships just as badly as you, yourself, want to succeed.

Developing love for others encompasses the trait of curiosity which is aroused from a strong desire to learn every chance you get, plus expressing good-will towards all and sincerely wanting the best for them.

And with that said let’s now move forward and talk about how to actually start a conversation with a stranger for the very first time, and then discuss how to lead that conversation so that you start sharing your OPESOIRS with each other.

But this involves listening, so let’s discuss that first.

How to Be a Great Listener

There seems to be a common misconception that listening is simply keeping our mouths shut and letting the other person talk, and then nodding every so often. This implies the skill is passive, when this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Listening is really a very active activity. And it is probably the most important skill required to be a master conversationalist who interacts with people in a way they find stimulating and engaging.

Listening has two phases. In the beginning of a conversation, the goal and aim is to listen for opportunities they make through the things they mention, called CUES, to transition the conversation onto the OPESOIRS and make them the central topics or THREADS of the conversation, and then once you’ve done that, listening becomes about getting a clearer and clearer picture in your mind of the other person’s current State of Affairs.

This is done through questions and clarifications.

So let’s put it altogether.

How to Start a Conversation

There are just three ways to start a conversation with someone, which are these:

  1. Ask them a question
  2. Comment on your shared experience with them
  3. Share some news with them

Whenever you open a conversation, you will always say just one of these three things. It’s actually really quite simple.

The entire purpose of these approaches is to achieve one aim and one aim only, which is to get the other person talking! Because once they start talking, they’re going to start dropping CUES into the conversation you can then capitalize on by turning into central THREADS.

You do not want to start blabbering about yourself in the beginning, especially if you’re meeting someone for the first time (unless they’re asking you). That will only bore and irritate them, and they will start searching for a reason to leave and end the interaction.

What you want to do instead is put the focus mainly on them at first, and then listen to what they say! What you’re listening for are the CUES they drop, which are simply glimpses or mentions they make that are like gateways into revealing things about themselves and their lives.

For example, if it’s raining and you make the comment to someone, “Wow, it’s really been coming down today, huh?” And they respond by saying, “Yeah, my kid’s baseball game was cancelled. He was really looking forward to it.”

They’re dropped two CUES about themselves and their lives into the conversation: (1) their kid, and (2) baseball.

Now you can comment or ask a question about either of these things. Already, you’ve brought the conversation onto the OPESOIRS. Their kid is one of their relationships, and baseball is one of their interests.

It doesn’t always happen this fast. Sometimes you have to leapfrog through a succession of exchanges during small talk before you hit on the one of the OPESOIRS. But once you’ve accomplished this, your conversation has achieved lift-off, and now you’re into deeper conversation.

Now your focus shifts onto developing a connection.

How to Develop Rapport

Rapport and connections are developed as a result of talking about each others’ OPESOIRS.

This is done with three tools:

  1. Follow-up questions
  3. Personal revelations

When you induce people to talk about their OPESOIRS, you want to punctuate the conversation by voluntarily talking about yours too. That way you’re always getting to know them, and they’re always getting to know you better.

You want to aim to balance the listening and sharing about 50/50, but depending on their personality type, whether they’re a talker or more shy, this ratio can vary to be 70/30. But you should never let it get more unbalanced than that, because then someone’s doing all the taking and someone’s doing all the giving, and rapport will break down quickly then.

Most people aren’t very good conversationalists, so you want to reveal information about yourself that they should be asking you about if they were good, which is to reveal your OPESOIRS. But you want to keep it short, like less than ten seconds, then turn the spotlight back onto them.

Let’s use our example again. And let’s say you decide to use the “kid” CUE and turn it into a THREAD. You might share some information about yourself as it relates to this THREAD, then turn it back onto them:

“Kids are great, aren’t they? They have such a zest for life. They’re always exploring and learning. (comment) I have a niece, and she’s awesome. She’s my sister’s kid. (personal revelation) We have a lot of fun playing. How old is your kid? (question)”

“Oh, he’s ten now. He just had a birthday last week.”

As you can see, he’s already dropped another CUE into the conversation, which is the birthday. Now you can either continue talking about his kid (relationship), or you can inquire about the birthday party (experience).

What you want to do is always pick the CUE that most appeals to you. I recommend never humoring people when they bring up things that are not also of mutual interest to you.

But with this example, continue following the CUES that lead the conversation onto the OPESOIRS, asking more questions as it relates to what they’ve said, and punctuating the exchange with comments and personal revelations that are also relevant to the topic.

This all comes with practice.

How to Build a Friendship or Relationship

In the course of your conversation with someone, your aim is to get a picture of their current State of Affairs. This is done by learning their OPESOIRS.

In part, the purpose of any interaction is to learn about their objectives and plans and relationships, so that you can check in with them during the next interaction and follow-up to see how they have been progressing since the last time you talked.

This also gives you a legitimate reason to see them again, or get their contact information if it’s a first meeting.

You also want them to know these things about you, so you can update them on how your goals and plans and relationships have been working out too.

We as people love to hear news.

But you want to be invested in how things are turning out for them. You want to be their champion and root for their success, or for them to get what they want out of their pursuits.

You sincerely want to celebrate with them in their victories and also sympathize with them in their defeats. This is what it means to be a great friend. And you have to be a great friend if you want to attract great friends.

Putting this all into practice and becoming an expert at it will empower you to effortlessly make new friends or lovers wherever you go and any time you want.


Get In Touch To Ask A Question Here